Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
