That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
