in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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