WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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