Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
