Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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