It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
