whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
