Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
