Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
