Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
