HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
