Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
