your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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