How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
