What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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