See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
