I just threw up on my dentist
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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