U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
one might say we're banned from that church
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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