i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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