And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
