You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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