I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
