Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
