Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
