Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
