escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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