Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
