Banned from zoo.
Again?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
