If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
