god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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