Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
