I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
