I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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