Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
