Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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