she smelled like a LAN party
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
