worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
