Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
