Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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