I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
