I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
