as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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