So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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