if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
