is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
