My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
