I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
