I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
