Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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