And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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