Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
